Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my shit smells like andre
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
