Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
