my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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