i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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