I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
