Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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