I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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