I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
