If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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