Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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