Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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