a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
