yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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