all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
