Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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