he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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