I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
