i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
