I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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