shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
