yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
