just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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