So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
