she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
