Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
