i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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