I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
