they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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