Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
