I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
