Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
