she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My breasts were aching with rage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
