Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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