At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
