Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
