those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just high enough for therapy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
