kristin has been a bad kristin
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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