come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ttyl tear gas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
