It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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