4 words: hood of his car
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
