I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
