saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
