wanna go halves on a baby?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
