I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
