i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
