she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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