You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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