Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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