I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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