Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
