you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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