??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
