are you so shy because you have an std?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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