Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
