Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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