I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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