Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
