She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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