I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
