I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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