I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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