If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
